Surviving Kidney Stones: What Doctors Don’t Tell You

Last Wednesday, January 16 th to be exact, I started experiencing pain in my lower back (left side) and front abdominal area. I thought I was experiencing post menstrual cramps and/or maybe my back needed adjustment. After two nights of pain and not sleeping I decided to visit my Chiropractor.

Friday and Saturday were extremely busy days and I had no patience for the pain any longer. I had a three-year old’s birthday party to arrange and nothing was going to slow me down. I had recently visited my general doctor, so I thought I’d try to get a prescription to treat a bladder infection. After all, that is what the pain was starting to feel like.

Saturday arrived and my daughter’s party was a success! After the last guest departed I made my way to the couch and rolled up into the fetal position. A heating pad and some ibuprofen should do the trick. Mark off another sleepless night. I should have seen the downfall coming.

Sunday morning off to the local ER. I was hunched over and sobbing like I was about to give birth. Wheel chair! Lady down! Where is my F$&@ing wheel chair is what my mind was screaming. The pain was excruciating. I think I would rather spit out a baby instead of learning the dreaded outcome…A KIDNEY STONE!

I have never had a kidney stone. After family and friends were notified I learned that a kidney stone is supposed to be one of the worst pains ever. I’m so honored to be a member of the “passing a pebble though the tiniest hole of your body and cussing like a sailor” fan club.

kidneystonefilter

Now that I am experienced kidney stone survivor, I would like to share a few tips that the ER forgot to share with me.

Kidney Stone Survival Tips 101:

  1. Your doctor may send you home with a standard size filter. Ladies, if you are the one with the kidney stone don’t be silly. Save this filter for your cooking. You probably have little to no chance of trying to get your tee tee stream in the cup. You’ll have better luck straining lettuce or changing your car oil with this filter.
  2. The crystal(s) you are trying to find may not be clear in color. Stop wasting time trying to find the sparkly diamond in the rough. Your stone could be black, brown or non-existent by the time it leaves your body.
  3. If you have a toddler around, USE THEIR POTTY. Make sure to place their potty on top of your closed toilet lid, otherwise you will not get your adult hinny on the potty to make it in the cup. If you have a princess toilet like our toddler, you will also get an added bonus of trumpets playing letting you know what a good job you did!
  4. From there, take your potty cup and pour your tee tee into the undersized (too small to fit under a regular women’s bottom) strainer or use a coffee filter. Do this over your regular toilet to keep the mess to a minimum. We are not men after all. Besides, who needs more to clean up when you are already doubled over in pain.
  5. Take all your medicine and don’t be a hero.
  6. Good luck finding your stone. I guess they can analyze these to help determine what type of kidney stone you have. I think my stone has already left the building so better luck next time.
  7. Good luck and may the force be with you!

Kidney Stone Singing Potty

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Comments

  1. Kiersten says:

    Thank you for the laugh! I LOVED the photo of the funnel filter! I must admit the plastic filter is a lot better than the paper ones they used to give me.

  2. nottelling says:

    I thank you for the painful laugh. What I have found that helps with kidney stones. I have long ago lost count of how many stones I have had, despite my best efforts to eat healthy and all that jazz. Drum roll please! …….. Asparagus and coke 16 oz of asparagus and one 6 pack of coke in one hour. It breaks them up and makes them SO much easier to pass. The first time I tried this was 2 days before I was scheduled to have another freaking stone shot out with a laser. It saved me a few Gs and the horrific experience that is surgery. I have tried a lot of stuff like drinking olive oil 2 cups a day gagg or apple vinegar and lemons and and and…. This is the only thing that has worked. I have calcium oxilate stones I don’t know if it would work on anything else.
    Thanks again for the laugh I hope you never get another Kidney stone ever.

    • Thank you for the suggestions. I’ve head about the apple vinegar myself but have not tried anything other than just dealing with them. I like asparagus and coke so I may give it a try if the situation presents itself again.

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