The Beginning Of The End
It began Thursday. The pain, the cramps, wondering if this situation was going to last only a few hours. Could this be a minor setback or is it the end? Friday morning, at 6 am, I awoke from a bad dream sobbing. I do not even remember what I was dreaming, but my first thought was, “the baby”. The crying woke my husband and he rolled over to rub my back. He asked me if I was ok. I told him yes and quietly climbed out of bed holding back they hysteria that was about to come.
How Painful Is Having A Miscarriage
I sat on the floor in the bathroom crying for a few hours. The floral pattern of the shower curtain provided no comfort. It took everything I had not to rip it down through the pain. The pain is hard to deal with. Not only physically but the heartbreak seems so much more intense. There is no need to visit the hospital this time. Yes, I said this time. It’s not my first rodeo having a miscarriage. The first time a horrible event like this occurred was in 2010. I learned at what point I would have to make a doctor’s trip. It is early in the pregnancy this time. For that I am grateful.
I do not question why this is happening to me…again! No thoughts like that run through my head. I am at peace knowing that it is God’s will and it’s just not our time. I pray many prayers. Thanking the good Lord that this is happening sooner and not later. I am so grateful that we have a beautiful 3-year old angel baby that is perfect. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and heartbreak a Mother would deal with further into her pregnancy and loosing her Angel Baby. I pray for all the women who have gone through this.
My Mother’s Day Bubble
It’s Sunday, Mother’s Day. I did not expect this day to be so depressing. I feel like I am in a bubble. I can see clearly everything going on outside my bubble. My husband takes our toddler on an errand so I can have some time alone. A man will never really understand the pain. Everyone can see me inside my bubble but it’s hazy to them. They can’t really see. Only a woman who has been through this can truly understand the situation.
Tomorrow Is A New Day
Tomorrow is a new day. Back to work and being a full-time Mom. I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow. I hope I feel even a little better because I hate my daughter seeing me like this. She doesn’t understand. Mommy is sick again. I don’t want to be sick or depressed. I want to be good for her. We shall see. Only tomorrow knows.
This is hard for me to share but I know someone out there understands…and I understand you! This is dedicated to those lovely souls that we shall meet one day and to the women who have shared in this experience. No one can tell you it’s going to be all right. Things will just work out when they will. We just have to stay strong and pray that our hearts heal.
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